I guess everyone gets the sadness days. On the whole, I’m a fairly sunny, contented personality. I struggle with anxiety, yes, but when in my usual routine and pottering around doing the familiar things I like doing, I’m usually in a sunny state of mind.
But sometimes rainy days do come. One of the dull blows of life hits me so hard that it knocks all of the effervescent life out of me. This is one of those, fortunately not too frequent, days, where something happened to make the sky on the inside today grey and rainy.
These days feel like puppet days. Why puppet days? Well I notice it when I’m around other people. I try to smile, and it feels like tugging on the end of my mouth, but it’s not really a smile there and I become self-conscious: can the other person see that my smile is a puppet smile not a human smile… not quite right. And I try to speak, but I can’t get the bubblier tones of voice quite right, everything is coming out in drab shades instead of my usual colours; again, I become self-conscious: can they hear it? Instead of me, a puppet’s turned up, wearing my skin, today.
I’m not sure if tomorrow will be a puppet day too, but I’m sure the ‘me’ days are queuing up at the door ahead. Life is full of hard times and glad times. Today I’ve been plunged into a hard time. But that’s okay, I need to just have some quiet time in my soul and mind and re-assemble my scattered pieces, and then I’ll be back at the glad times again.